Recently, I was delivering a workshop around people’s strengths and weaknesses. The goal was to help the participants see what other skills they might like to improve on. This workshop was for the workplace, but I feel it is totally interwoven with the “life-place”. Most of us think there are things we could improve on in order to be “better” in some regard. But why is it so difficult? It takes real fortitude to try to improve one’s self. It also takes a great deal of time! Making personal change does not happen overnight. It impacts the way we see ourselves, and the way we want others to see us.

Focusing on our skills as opposed to fearing failure is a good start. Think that you are adding something to your skill set instead of changing yourself. And if it doesn’t work out, at least you tried and probably learned something along the way. If you also consider that life has probably taught you a few lessons you hadn’t planned on, you’ve probably changed a lot over the last 10 years anyway.

Many years ago I found myself in a situation where I was struggling to learn an African dance that went along with a drum piece that I could play quite well. But the dancing just felt awkward; I felt awkward. A wise friend of mine (and accomplished African dancer) who came from a similar background said “if you do it long enough, it becomes you.” She was right! Through much repetition and getting over myself, I became comfortable enough to do this on stage in concerts. These days I don’t use that skill often… but I could!

There were several keys things that happened that day. One was that by her saying that to me, she showed me that she believed I could do it. The other was that I was in a safe supportive environment where everyone understood the process I had to go through.

We all want to spend our time doing things that make us feel good. When forced to dig into our areas of “weakness” it is uncomfortable – damn uncomfortable!

Another wise teacher taught me this: Practice… until it is easy, then practice a bit more! All new things start out hard. Go slowly at first, through safe situations, analyze it, read about it, and think it through in your mind. Imagine the situation and your desired outcome. Practice with colleagues if at all possible. It is risky, yes, but think of how you will feel that first time when you overcome something that used to be impossible.

What new skill have you learned lately? Please share.